How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged?
How long should you date before getting engaged? This question is one that most couples struggle with, as they haven’t been together long enough to know their partners’ quirks. If you can live together, it will be easier for you to get to know each other’s lifestyle and habits. But if you can’t, take a vacation and get to know your partner’s routine. Often, the answer to this question will surprise you.
Relationship between length of dating period and length of marriage
There is a significant link between the length of your dating period and the length of your marriage. One Emory University study of 3000 couples found that the longer the dating period, the lower the likelihood of divorce. Couples who had been dating for more than two years were nearly half as likely to divorce as those who had been dating for only a year. However, the relationship between dating and marriage does not stop there.
While a long courtship may protect you from certain risks, it is also possible to find an unhappy marriage with just a few months of dating. According to Emory University, the sweet spot is two years. Shorter courtships are more likely to lead to unhappy marriages. But if your dating is long-lasting, you should have long-term plans. That means a big road trip or a family party, or even a wedding.
A recent study by Ted L. Huston and his colleagues at Emory University looked at 168 newlyweds for 14 years. They found that couples who dated for more than 25 months were significantly less likely to end up divorced than those who dated for only eight months. Furthermore, couples who had been dating for three years were nearly half as likely to be happily married than those who had only been dating for six months.
Ian Kerner, a psychotherapist and licensed couple’s therapist, recommends a minimum of one or two years before getting engaged. He recommends that couples wait at least two years before they make the final decision to get married. However, you should not wait until this long, if at all possible. If you’re not sure whether or not you should wait until your relationship has a few years of dating.
Preventing conflict between you and your partner
One way to avoid a fight is to listen to your partner’s feelings without interrupting. Sometimes, disagreements are the result of unmet needs, but you can find ways to make each other feel heard and understood by taking time to understand the issues at stake. If your partner complains about your partying ways during the week, consider his or her point of view and be understanding. You might also ask your partner to chip in when you’re grocery shopping.
While avoiding conflicts can be beneficial in relationships, it is not healthy to engage in frequent conflict. Couples should learn how to handle conflict in constructive ways. In 2012, a paper by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that while expressing anger to your romantic partner may cause discomfort in the short term, it also sparked honest conversations, which were beneficial to the relationship. Couples who avoid conflict often tend to repeat the same arguments and follow a script.
While conflict is inevitable in any relationship, it doesn’t have to be an emotional ordeal. You can disagree and fight in a way that shows respect for one another. According to clinical psychologist Deborah Grody, couples that don’t engage in conflict are more likely to divorce. You should therefore try to minimize the conflict you have, if possible. When conflicts do arise, remember that it is not the fault of the other person but of yourself.
If you notice that conflicts occur, take a break from the conversation and refocus on a constructive way of approaching the situation. The key to this is to approach the situation with mutual respect and try to come to an agreement. Remember, the best way to prevent conflict is to communicate that you want to hear about your partner’s day. Then, when the fights do occur, take a break and find a resolution.
Another common source of conflict is money. Unfortunately, money and partnership are a risky combination. Often, financial pressure cripples communication between two people. Good communication strengthens relationships by improving intimacy, trust, and support. On the other hand, poor communication creates contempt and distrust. Avoid these mistakes and improve your relationship. Just remember that you don’t always have to be right. Try to agree to disagree when possible.
It is important to take responsibility. Acknowledging when you’re wrong is a sign of maturity and shows your partner that you’re capable of taking responsibility for the situation. If you can do this, conflict will be less likely to arise. If your partner doesn’t take responsibility for the conflict, then you need to find your own responsibility and fix it. In doing this, you’ll diffuse the conflict and build a solid foundation for the future.
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